Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
