This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
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hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
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I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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