i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
