I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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