i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
