I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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