Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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