I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
