Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
