I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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