and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
worst night to have a conscience
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
