rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
