When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
