I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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