I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
