you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
