life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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