I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
