If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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