dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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