he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
