So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
