I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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