Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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