chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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