i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
