saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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