i think i have two assholes
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
