i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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