Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
