she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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