The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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