he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
