I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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