I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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