Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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