Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
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