never play flip cup with pint glasses
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
