the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
