Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
