im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
