a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
