THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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