It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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