the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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