At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
