im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
