i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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