we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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