Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
