dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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