i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
