you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
