Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
why do cheetos always look like penises
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
