our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
