You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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