it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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