No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
