Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
