hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
