I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
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Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
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We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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