We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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