My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
