The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
