I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
3 2 1 whiskey
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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