I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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