I wanna bring you to show and tell
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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